On Self-love

“A diamond doesn’t start out polished and shining. It once was nothing special, but with enough pressure and time, becomes spectacular. I’m that diamond.”- Solange Nicole

ˈˌself ˈləv/: regard for one’s own well-being and happiness.

Not to be confused with selfishness. Self-love is really about the way you view and carry yourself as an individual in this world; it’s about appreciating and accepting the person that you are. People don’t necessarily realize the amplitude of the effects loving themselves has on their lives.

Self-love influences your mental and physical health. Constantly bringing yourself down with thoughts like “I’m not good enough”, “I’ll never make it”, “I’m ugly”, etc., only brings negative energy towards your way. When you keep repeating these to yourself day after day, your mind may as well start to believe it. Consequently, this becomes the type of energy you radiate: you let yourself become all those flaws. And then frustration starts to develop because you stop seeing positive results in your life. The damage goes from negligence to self-loathing, to possibly depression.

Self-love resonates in your relationships. You’ve probably heard people say, “the way you treat yourself teaches others how to treat you”. If you don’t have that self-love, your self-worth is likely to be minimal to non-existent. If your mind is in this state, how can you establish values for yourself? Values that will determine what type of behaviour you can tolerate, how you deserve to be treated, etc. You already mistreat yourself, you would not expect someone to come in your life and treat you better; it would be a foreign concept to you.

Replace the negative thoughts with positive affirmations. I am good enough. I am worth it. Accept yourself for your good and your bad; understand that nobody is perfect. If there is something about you that you don’t like, work on ways to improve it: sitting around and complaining doesn’t benefit you in any way. Highlight the parts of you that you actually appreciate, the parts that make you who you are. Don’t compare your looks to anybody else: beauty is subjective. The features that make one attractive may not even look the same on you. Also, understand that everyone’s journey is different, as well as their end goals. Don’t get discouraged by other’s results, focus on where you want to be personally. Be aware of your inner voice and learn to control it. The things you say to yourself have an impact on how you act.  Become mindful. Understand what you feel, need, and want in order to act on these rather than what others want from you. Protect yourself. If a person brings negative vibes into your life, does nothing that benefits you in any manner, cut them off- people’s energies interact, you don’t want that to affect yours. Forgive yourself. Mistakes are part of the process, don’t beat yourself up for things: learn and do better the next time.

You don’t learn to love yourself overnight, it’s a process. There will be bad days, but those don’t define you. Know your just worth, and if you can, add tax.


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